Not quite a rant...

     I don't like expressing my really deep views on my blog too much, especially the thoughts I know might offend or upset other people. This is the Internet, and even if it is my blog, people who read it expect it to entertain them, not make them think of less than happy topics. Saying all that, as you read, keep in mind that this is my blog, my thoughts, and not meant to be anything more than that.

     I've been off with my college class in the Keys. (You can read all about out exploits in my other posts) Out of our group, we have two couples; one newly married and one soon to be married. It's a great testimony to our groups' particular raising and personality how those two couples act toward their partners. Both are amazing pairs, just right for each other. Neither are real big on PDA, the making out and groping in public kind, but they are so sweet about holding hands and leaning on each other in the van, that kind of thing. They're also very comfortable with each other, joking around and talking, even arguing. It's sweet to watch them and know they'll be the kind of married people still this much in love fifty years from now.

     My thing today is, being around this much love is very hard sometimes. It's definitely hard in that it reminds me it's been an exceptionally long while since I've been in that type of a relationship. Heck, it's been an exceptionally long while since I've been in any kind of relationship period. I was engaged three years ago, and just a few months before the wedding I broke it off. Definitely the right decision; I've never regretted it or looked back even once. After a long time not even talking, now he and I are friendly, but nothing more.
   
     After that, being single was cool for a while, and was tolerable for a while after that, but it's now sort of become a depressing monotony in my life. When your little sister has more romantic prospects than you in a year, when your parents suggest you sign up on dating sites, when it seems like decent single guys my age are an endangered species...yeah.

     Now I'm a logical, rational, responsible person. I don't casually date or date around just for fun. I think relationships aren't something you should go about lightly or just for a fling. I have a sort of hard personality to match to a guy; there's just not that many guys out there who like the same or similar things I do, who are my age or a little older, and who are actually mature adults instead of boys still wanting to play around. Like I said, I'm realistic, but I just can't see how at least ONE hasn't appeared in three years..

     I'm not saying this because I'm desperate to be dating a new guy every week like some girls, or that I want to get married right now to the first man I meet. There are just some things about being in a long time relationship that I miss. Talking is a big thing. I loved being able to talk about anything and everything, for hours, and never get bored. I miss going places, going on dates, having someone to hang out with. I rarely go out these days, because the majority of my friends are usually with their fellas or busy with school. I'm a very loving person in my family, so I very much miss the little affectionate things like holding hands and laying on the couch watching movies together. What I miss most is having a best friend always there, always willing and wanting to spend time with me, and simply loving me as I love him.

     There's a quote: "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all." Well, buddy, I'd rather be born blind and never know what I was missing out on, than to have sight for ten minutes and spend the rest of my life wishing I could see again.

     So, ending my rant for today, I'll go back to the land of the loved and lovers, and sit and watch what I wish I wasn't missing.