I'm smack in the middle of the age where on the one hand my friends are settling down and getting married, starting a family, and buying a minivan, while on the other hand they seem to be settling down into a date-date-date-date-date-die pattern. A few in the middle, like me, are stuck in that 'date' mode, or lack therof, trying to get to higher ground.
I will admit I'm picky. When you're looking for Mr. Right, you get that priviledge. I probably have read too many Victorian romance novels with too many perfectly charming princes. But I'm not heartless. I don't have a checklist of qualities one must have to buy me dinner. I don't make you sit in the living room while my dad cleans his guns and tells prison stories (Mike has never been to prison yall, he just does that for effect). I'm as cheap a date as they come, 'cause you'll never catch me eating a steak, ever.
But geez guys! I'm 22, and I've had my share of 'talking' and casual dates, and legit ones too. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to ask a guy, 'Would you say/do that in front of your mama?' So far I'm getting a pretty long list of things to teach my future sons NOT to do.
Now where I come from, respect is number one. If you put that first, most other things will fall into place. You respect the gal's parents, you respect her, you respect yourself. That doesn't leave much room for bad dating. So that leaves me to infer from experience that somewhere along the way respect got shoved into the backseat.
Take today's example. 'Lancelot' here decided to start up something. Sometimes I'm all for the mass technology our society depends on. It sure makes cases like this easier (i.e. I didn't have to get ugly in public). Lancelot decides to get my number off Facebook and text me hello. Naturally I require a name, but once an acquaintainceship has been proven, I'm cool with proceeding. Lancelot fails to make it three texts into a conversation before becoming a totally rude jerk.
Listen gents, freaking be nice. How hard is that? We, or at least I and the girls I know, try to. Here's a tip. When a lady tells you she's seeing someone, take the hint. Whether we are or not isn't your business, because for all intents and purposes we're currently unavailable, and that's the best way we females have found for saying no nicely without hurting feelings.
Lancelot misses the cue. He asks me if I'm serious about the other person. Well sir, I wouldn't have said anything if I wasn't. Strike one. I respond that yes, we are. End of story right? Nope. Lancelot has the gall to ask if I'm really serious about him. Strike two. You just called me a liar, and no girl likes that. I respond, as icily as one can be in a text, that yes, we are seeing each other exclusively, I just don't like to mix Facebook and dating. Lancelot keeps going, bull in china shop style. He responds with 'Well, I guess that means it isn't really serious sweetie'. Strike three, four, and five. You don't call me a liar, again. You don't get an attitute with me. You do not call me sweetie when you're clearly either drunk off your skull or a top of the line cad. Final straw: he clearly misses the point of 'Yes, it is, and please quit texting me now.' and keeps right on going.
Now boys, if a girl said that to you, hopefully you'd have the sense to drop the phone and back away. That's the problem with texts though. You miss out on the whole 'go away and die' look.
Let me save you fellas some trouble in the future. When a lady says no, stop, go away, etc., just freaking do it. If a southern belle has moved past nice into point blank, you've clearly offended. We were raised to say no as nicely as possible, but sometimes it takes all we have not to wallop you with our purses.
List of things I'd love for Mr. Right to do:
(Not requirements, but I can dream right?)
~Kill and remove spiders, mice, bugs, and general vermin.
~Weedeat - My skills......ain't there.
~Wear matching socks, which I'll gladly fold - it's a pet peeve of mine, my sister drives me crazy with one pink and one blue.
~Not snore. Please God, not snore.
~Remove anything that vomits (pets, kids, yourself) from my sight before I join in.
~Have normal pets - snakes, tarantulas, and indoor pigs are not normal.
~Not bathe in cologne - strong cologne gives me an instant migraine. (I actually went on a date once where the guy asked beforehand if I minded him wearing cologne. Instant brownie points!)
~Read actual books, Sports Illustrated doesn't count.
~Program the DVR/satellite tv - I am more inept here than weedeating. At least I know how the weedeater is supposed to work...
~Be original with presents - Flowers, candy, it's been done. Be creative, use your mind.
~Not be a total packrat - 'That shirt from 2001 with the seven holes, it goes. And the shaggy sweater you hide under the bed, that too.' I'm an avid donater of stuff I don't need.
List of things I will not require Mr. Right to do:
(However, he's welcome to participate if he wishes)
~Shop - I prefer to shop alone, or with other females.
~Join me on some insane lettuce-ricecake-wheatgrass diet.
~Join me in yoga, taebo, or any other exercise thing. I prefer to look the fool alone.
~Fix everything that breaks in the house or put everything together - I'm actually good with tools.
~My clothes - I'm OCD about my clothes being neat, but I don't expect everyone else to be.
~Watch chick flicks, the Golden Girls, etc.
~Overly decorate for every holiday - I'm a minimalist when it comes to cutesy holiday decor. One Christmas tree, a few decorations, that's fine.
~Buy feminine hygiene products. Not eyeshadow, not Tampax, nada. - Habit. My dad stays well away from the world of girl beauty products, so we fend for ourself. Plus, how many guys know the difference in lipstick and lip gloss?
Sure! Glad to help a fellow female! Haha
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